It’s not necessarily the humor or the challenge that she wants. What she really wants is BETTER.
And the silly humor, the positive challenge, the ability to walk away or calmly say no, all of that stuff just CONFIRMS — I’m getting better. Chasing a guy tricks her brain into thinking, if I’m chasing him and putting in all this effort, he must be better. Let me release a bonanza of pleasure chemicals and feel great!
The negative challenge just provides the ILLUSION of better. ie. He’s not into me, so he must be better, Or he cheated, so he must be better. He was mean to me, so maybe he is better. But again, this is all an illusion that she must look past if she can find a guy that can actually give her a positive version of better.
Why is she with you? If she’s not with you because you provide her with the feeling of better, then it’s for another reason. Her agenda. Control? Nothing better going on (pun intended)
Feeling like you are getting something better release a bonanza of pleasure chemicals. And the crazy part is, sometimes you don’t even have her and you still feel amazing. This is why you’re still obsessed with her after 2 years.
The occasional pain you feel when she’s dating someone else or rejecting you, isn’t enough to overtake the pleasure you feel just by liking and trying to get someone better.
This is the same reason she continues to chase and stay with the bad boy for 5 years. It’s not about actually getting him. Or getting him to change. It’s about the pleasure of going after something better. He represents that drive for something better, Actually getting him would just be a bonus, *the only way she’s leaving or forgetting about him is to give her the positive version of better
Even if she’s not currently hung up on a negative challenge or has one on her past – we are all competing against the idea of capturing the unattainable. Just by liking her you are already at a disadvantage. Once the club let’s you in, it’s not as cool as the club that turns you away. Once a college accepts you it’s not as great is the one that you didn’t get into. And that’s all fine, just make sure to give her the positive version of better.
Whoever has the higher interest level gets the bonanza of pleasure chemicals for getting something better. And the one with the lower interest does not.
You’re just the next guy to come along on her quest for BETTER
- I think he might be better, I’m intrigued (physical attraction, status) IL 60
- I’m starting to conform that he is better (humor, challenge, he can calmly say no) IL 75
- I’m chasing him and he allows me to keep putting in the effort to keep him interested (yep, it’s confirmed, this I am getting something better) IL 90
- My brain rewards me with a bonanza of pleasure chemicals and I feel amazing IL 100
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